I am beginning to believe that despite having had a career as a cook, albeit many moons ago, that my kitchen is out to get me, or maybe it’s just the other people in it!

Having completely over indulged during his pub lunch, my son declares that pudding has beaten him and could he have it as a take out, he is allowed to bring home his apple crumble and custard, happy days. After a couple of hours have passed he decides he has made room and heads for the microwave, via the fridge obviously. As no heating instructions are supplied with left overs brought home from the pub, he guesses how long it will take to heat up.

I happen to be in the kitchen at the time, I am sure, doing something incredibly important, when the microwave pings. He asks if I could check if I thought it was hot enough – having passed his catering GCSE he is very concerned about re-heating temperatures.  Naturally, I nonchalantly sashay my way across the kitchen to the proudly offered apple crumple and custard. Without hesitation, or thought, I plunged my open hand flat down into the bowl, my son looked across at me and I at him ‘wtf?’ he splatter’s, I look down at my hand, ‘wtf’ I reply, ok maybe I shouldn’t allow my 17 yr old to speak that way but ‘wtf’ he is mine and parenting is a totally unique experience, I will get to that in another blog. So here we are, standing in front of the microwave, me with my right hand dripping with custard, him with his mouth aghast.

Once we were both able to enunciate real words we managed to establish the fact that when I microwave food, I always cling film it, for 2 reasons: Firstly, so it doesn’t make a bloody mess all over the microwave, that I have to clear up and secondly, I can plunge my hand into the middle of it to check the temperature, without receiving 3rd degree burns!

Fortunately, the apple crumble and custard were not hot enough, my hand was saved, although I am not sure how the crumble felt!

This also reminds me of an instance when we had homemade crumble at home, I know that sounds wrong but how many establishments offer homemade food, who’s home I wonder? Besides, we had crumble and the kids wanted custard and grandma was coming for lunch! No way am I using a ready made custard (ish) I wouldn’t use a finished product but a powder you can add milk to is apparently ok. Now, as my best friend knows, I have scan reading issues, which generally means I don’t actually read anything properly and the instructions for the custard fit into that category. Long story short, lumpy muck – gutted, as I can actually produce a perfectly delicious creme anglaise when I put my mind to it.

It sounds like there should be a moral to this story but hey not everything in life is that straight forward, a bit like making packet custard. If life came with instructions, I am pretty sure I would scan read them. I am not designed to conform, I am not entirely sure if that is a defect or a gift but ‘wtf’ it’s my life.