As typing is still not on the agenda. I have decided (Making decisions part 1) to share an unpublished short film with you. I would like to thank my wonderful friend Paul Ekert for writing this for me, Paul you know me so well.
Not only did Paul write it, he also directed, filmed and edited. A man of many talents!
Also, thank you, Richard Ward, for your superb performance and priceless comedic expressions and timing. It was a joy to work with you.
Stills from the film were also published in my posts:
If you have stumbled across my blog and are thinking ‘Day 15’ of what? Have a quick read about my challenge.
“I carried a watermelon.” Instantly, without hesitation, a chuckle reverberated in my throat. A grin spread across my mouth, and a myriad of memories flooded my mind.
Dirty Dancing. What a classic.
(Sorry, I don’t have a picture of me carrying a watermelon!)
My son-in-law, Chris, said it as he wandered off to get some watermelon for my grandson. Incredible how a simple phrase can have such an effect on you.
My family uses lines from films as a national pastime. Very few conversations escape the phenomenon. My sister and I are fiendish participants.
A few years ago, I bought tickets for Jess and me to see Dirty Dancing in London. It was superb. We had a fabulous time. The atmosphere was electric. Everyone in the auditorium was waiting to hear their favourite line.
Mine: “Nobody puts Baby in the corner.” It crops up all the time at home.
Our journey home was just as exhilarating. In London’s version of a Thai Tuk Tuk, we wondered if our last memories would be of the ‘jump’ in Dirty Dancing or one of our own being catapulted from the vehicle at high speed. Fortunately, we made it back to the hotel in one piece- although I am not entirely sure how.
I struggle to watch it now, though. Patrick Swayze was perfect for the role and Sam in Ghost. I watched it recently. As I said in Day 3: Crying makes you feel better. It somehow seemed wrong to watch it now that he is dead. I wonder if he watches over his wife, whom he so dearly loved, the way he watched over Demi Moore in the movie.
Why do we feel such a loss when someone we have never met dies? Especially an actor, because we rarely see them for who they really are. Or do we?
As an actor myself, I draw on my own experiences to create my characters. There is always a piece of me somewhere inside the person I portray. Does that mean the viewer can see me underneath my façade? I believe we have an insight into the person behind the character and maybe that’s why we feel their loss.
What do you think?
Murray and I have a favourite line. The brilliant, and also sadly dead, James Gandolfini in The Mexican. “When two people love each other – Really… Love each other – but they just can’t get it together, when do you get to that point where enough is enough?”
Julia Roberts replies in a convoluted fashion, saying nothing profound – women, we overthink everything!
Brad, short and simple – “Never”
For us, it says it all. It cements the longevity of a relationship. Regardless of what you go through, if you “love each other – Really…Love each other” you never give up. I’m not saying it’s easy. Murray and I both get driven demented by the other. But when the shit hits the fan and there is something major to contend with. We both know the only person we want by our side is our other half.
At times, it feels as though we are one. I love it when you know what the other is thinking. You say the same thing at the same time. You glance across a crowded room and have a conversation without saying a word.
That’s what that line is all about. The simple knowing that you are meant to be together.
Do you have a favourite line from a film? If so, please tell me in the comments box.
If you would like to join me on this journey, please like, subscribe and comment.
Thanks, Liz
For anyone reading my posts who has a story in them, they are struggling to tell. I would recommend getting Anne Lamott’s book ‘Bird by Bird’. It has inspired me to create this challenge and is full of great knowledge and insight. She also has a wonderful sense of humour and writing style.
If you would like to buy ‘Bird by Bird’, please use my Amazon associate link: https://amzn.to/47Pdkx7
If you have stumbled across my blog and are thinking ‘Day 14’ of what? Have a quick read about my challenge.
Bathed in sweat and smiling as though our lives depended on it, last night, my husband and I danced the night away. Little Bristol, a beach bar in Barbados, has live music every Friday night. A great band called Ubique. We have known some of the band members for years.
When I first met Murray, he didn’t enjoy dancing. Maybe he was self-conscious like many others. As the years progressed, I enticed him onto the dance floor. I don’t recall the first time it happened, but that’s not important. What is important is that now we have the best time ever, dancing like demons in a world of our own, not caring what other people think.
“I love dancing with you.” “I love dancing with you too.” What a great way to end a night!
In yesterday’s blog, Day 13: Always leave wanting more I mentioned a restaurant called QP, previously known as The Beach Club. Sunday afternoons at The Beach Club were world-renowned. Each year, hordes of us would descend on them and dance for hours to Kevan and the Krashers. After a sumptuous lunch, although not too much so we still felt like dancing and plenty of Minuty (Rosé wine, that is now lovingly referred to as Mutiny). We ran to the dance floor. Well, sometimes it was just me to start with. I love to dance anytime, anywhere, and I don’t mind being the only one on the dance floor. In fact, I frequently am. On many occasions, bands and DJs have thanked me for starting the dancing.
I can’t help myself. Igniting my body, the beat fires me into another dimension. One where nothing matters, no one cares, you are wild and free. That’s how I feel when I dance, wild and free, nothing quite like it.
Murray and I have a favourite song, ‘Shut up and Dance with Me.’ Many of our friends say they think of us whenever they hear it. I love that. There was one particular occasion at The Beach Club. They were on their last song, often. ‘Summer of 69’ or ‘My Sex is on Fire’, but they hadn’t played ‘Shut up and Dance with Me’. I nonchalantly sidled up to Keiron, the sublime trombonist and, trying not to sound too desperate, asked, “Aren’t you going to play ‘Shut up and Dance with me?” Gently, he slid his sunglasses down his nose, looked at me with his brown puppy dog eyes and casually slid them back up again. Talk about oozing coolness. In less than a second, the first chords struck. The place erupted, the dance floor pulsating like a giant heartbeat. Our bodies moving as one. Breathtaking, in every sense of the word.
Keiron is now the lead singer for Ubique. They play every Friday at Little Bristol, Speightstown, Barbados. They also play every other Sunday at Lancaster House. If you want a great night out, I suggest you go and see them.
My recent operation, a joint replacement in my big toe, was in November last year. At the end of December, it got infected. When I arrived in Barbados, it was still healing. Sadness washed over me as I imagined a holiday without dancing with my soul mate. Elation is the only way to describe how I felt last night. I lied. Gratitude too. My body is remarkable. Its ability to heal astounds me. One thing I have learnt over the years is never to take my body for granted; nurture, respect and love it, and it will do the same for me. It is all too easy to blame our bodies for letting us down. Don’t get me wrong, in the early years, I did, and I played the victim, “what have I done to deserve this?” Now I turn it around, as discussed in my blog, Day 11: Do you think you are stupid? Altering how you verbalise situations and circumstances has a profound effect on how you view yourself and your life. I now see my body as miraculous, everything I have done to it in the past, and it still keeps me going.
If I ever catch myself thinking, “What have I done to deserve this?” I remind myself of all the late-night partying, drinking, smoking, poor nutrition, lack of exercise and numerous other things that I put my body through as a youngster. Promptly, I give myself a good kick up the backside and say, “Thank you”. You only get one body. It is your responsibility, not the other way around. Mine is an absolute superstar and I am grateful for it every day.
Dancing is fantastic. It feeds my soul. It keeps me fit. It brings me joy. It enhances my marriage. Being riddled with arthritis and filled with titanium won’t stop me. If Dick van Dyke can dance in his nineties, then so can I!
If you don’t have plans this evening. Instead of turning on the TV, put on some banging tunes, grab your partner, friend, child or an unexpectant stranger and dance the night away. Be wild and free.
Murray, I love dancing with you. xx
If you would like to join me on this journey, please like, subscribe and comment.
Thanks, Liz
For anyone reading my posts who has a story in them, they are struggling to tell. I would recommend getting Anne Lamott’s book ‘Bird by Bird’. It has inspired me to create this challenge and is full of great knowledge and insight. She also has a wonderful sense of humour and writing style.
If you would like to buy ‘Bird by Bird’, please use my Amazon associate link: https://amzn.to/47Pdkx7
If you have stumbled across my blog and are thinking ‘Day 10’ of what? Have a quick read about my challenge.
Back at my desk, this time, it is early morning, six am. I am an early bird, following in my father’s footsteps. A farmer. The early bird catches the worm and all that. Dad has always told me, “The best weather is in the morning.” In England, that is often the case, but not so much in Barbados, where I am currently. Torrential rain is the standard morning routine. On a good day, that clears the air and the way for a good day. Of late, it has rained on and off all day.
Before I digress. I will start part 2. I finished yesterday’s post saying I would tell you why my children and I all had ‘Carpe Diem’ tattoos. Day 9
Already, I am swallowing hard and sweating, my palms in particular.
A quick note: this will be a concise version. The aim of my challenge is to write every day, as opposed to give you in-depth versions of events. That will come when I write my book. It will also allow me to ’embrace the nettle’ Day 8 gradually so as not to have another mental breakdown.
The date: 11th July 2017. My son’s 19th birthday. He was not interested. He was broken, his heart shattered, the splinters of which penetrated my soul every time I looked at him. It shouldn’t be this way. How is it right that I still have my father and my children don’t? Along with feeling my children’s pain, guilt creeps in. Despite several attempts to block it. Despite my logical mind saying it was not my fault. It latched itself to me like the tentacles of an octopus. It wasn’t leaving anytime soon.
It had only been a few weeks since my daughter and I held Bruce’s hand as he took his final breath. Surrounded by many family members. I swear we were all holding our breath in time with Bruce. The gaps between breaths became painfully long. The breaths themselves laboured and hoarse. In the silence, we wondered if we had just witnessed his final breath, relieving him, in our hearts we wanted that for him. Stop the pain. At the same time, our ears desperately searching for another breath to know he hadn’t left us forever. The conflict inside me was pitiful. The inevitable came. The silence was drowned by the cascade of tears.
Death is so final.
The morning of the 11th came. It was unavoidable. One day follows the previous; that’s the way it goes. What was I going to do? How could I alleviate the sadness? I couldn’t. Then I had an idea. Fortunately, during the month preceding this day, my children and I had built a bond never to be broken. “Let’s cement it,” I thought. Let’s become one in a way that will always not only join us but also honour the man whose death had left us empty. My son loves tattoos. it seemed the obvious answer. I love the phrase “carpe Diem’ at school I had enjoyed Latin. I even won the Latin prize once. If only they had known at that stage that I would walk out of my o’level mock exam after having written only my name, never to attend another Latin lesson in my life. They probably would have thought twice.
For me, ‘Carpe Diem’ says it all. ‘Seize the day’; essentially, that is all you have. You can only live now, not in the future, not in the past. I decided I would arrange for the three of us to have a tatto done that day, I typed out Carpe Diem in a selection of fonts and then went to my daughter to ask her thoughts on both my idea and the best style. She agreed with me that it was a good way forward. We chose the font we liked with the intention of allowing my son the final choice.
Together, we went to his room. The piece of paper held tight in my shaking hand. He agreed. I could feel the relief fill my body. Something good was going to come from this day. We got an appointment. Took our turns. The kids ridiculed me for having my first tattoo but, at the same time, lovingly showed concern for the pain I may be enduring as the tattoo was being injected into scar tissue. It wasn’t painful. How could it be when I had witnessed one of the strongest people I know fade to nothing, his body infested with pain.
We left the parlour knowing no matter what happened from then on, we were united. We still are.
If you would like to join me on this journey, please like, subscribe and comment.
Thanks, Liz
For anyone reading my posts who has a story in them they are struggling to tell. I would recommend getting Anne Lamott’s book ‘Bird by Bird’. It has inspired me to create this challenge and is full of great knowledge and insight. She also has a wonderful sense of humour and writing style.
If you would like to buy ‘Bird by Bird’, please feel free to use my Amazon associate link: https://amzn.to/47Pdkx7
Do you ever read the first few lines of a book and know you will love it? Exactly that has just happened to me.
I find it fascinating how we all like to read different writing styles. This is my fourth book in two weeks. It’s easier to read on holiday when we don’t have all our ordinary daily tasks to do. The book I finished yesterday didn’t connect with me. I was genuinely disappointed. It was a collection of true stories, all of which had happened to the author. What happened to her was awful, frightening and sad. How she overcame it was inspiring. And yet, the book left me cold. I had no emotional connection with her.
I decided it must be her writing style. It didn’t resonate with me. I desperately wanted it to. I kept persevering, but my feelings towards her never changed. She was somehow detached from her stories, something lacking. They were brutally honest, vulnerable and heartbreaking tales, and yet I felt no empathy. Unusual for me, last year I asked a selection of people to tell me what my best qualities were. I was working on how best to utilise my skills to serve others. Empathetic was at the top of the list. So why didn’t I feel empathy towards the author?
Last year, I started a writing course, how to write a memoir, as ultimately that is what I want to do (hence all this practising). The teacher suggests you must have moved on from what has happened to you to be able to write it objectively. Whether or not you agree with her is entirely up to you. I believe she has a point. However, I also find that when I am right in the middle of hell, it is easier to express my true emotions as opposed to writing about them retrospectively. Also, your mind has a habit of playing tricks on you. When you write about things that happened years ago, your memories may be distorted. You block things out. You alter the details. You may make them less traumatic or more so. All of these things, in my opinion, are our brain’s way of processing what has happened to us. Protecting us from the past that has damaged us in some way. One of the fears I have about writing a memoir is that I haven’t remembered things correctly and I might do myself or someone else a disservice. The teacher says to write as truthfully as you can. Therefore, that is what I’ll do.
I understand that my writing style will not be to everyone’s taste. I have accepted that. As with most things in life, you are not going to please everyone all of the time. If you think you can, you are delusional. I also know that it is one of the reasons I haven’t started my book. The fear of rejection. Someone taking, not only, all my hard work but also my experiences to pieces. This is why I am doing this challenge. Tentatively putting my toe in the water to see how the ripples flow.
A very dear friend of mine, we will call him GW, has been reading my blog. Recently, he sent me an email. Here were his thoughts:
“Fear of failure seems to be stopping you embracing the nettle, and you bounce a bit on ideas like this, and that’s a shame because I think you have it in you to write something more meaningful.”
GW – Just so you know, every time I sit down to write, I think of what you wrote. By the way, I had to look up what “embracing the nettle” meant. I know you are right. What I have noticed is that as I get to the end of what I am writing, I usually find what it is I actually want to say. What is hiding behind all the bullshit I wrote at the beginning. It’s like my brain is protecting me from my past traumas, but as I chip away at it, as the writing continues, its barriers begin to weaken, and the true meaning of the piece begins to surface.
I imagine that’s the point of editing. You write a thousand words, of which you may only use one sentence. But that sentence may change the way people think forever.
As this challenge is all about writing and not editing, I know it will continue to have a protective layer, but that’s ok. This isn’t about an end result right now. It is all about finding my writing style, my voice and my purpose and hopefully, the end result will be helping others. Each day, I am learning and becoming less fearful. One day, I know I will be “embracing the nettle” and letting my inner self show.
In the meantime, thank you all for your support and encouragement. If you have anything to say that will help me, please write a comment.
If you would like to join me on this journey, please like and subscribe
Thanks, Liz
If you have stumbled across my blog and are thinking “Day 8 of what? Have a quick read of this explanation:
For anyone reading my posts who has a story in them they are struggling to tell. I would recommend getting Anne Lamott’s book ‘Bird by Bird’. It has inspired me to create this challenge and is full of great knowledge and insight. She also has a wonderful sense of humour and writing style.
If you would like to buy ‘Bird by Bird’, please feel free to use my Amazon associate link: https://amzn.to/47Pdkx7
Last year my pony had to be put down, laminitis finally took its toll and nether he or I could take it any more.
That meant Horse, yes that really is his name, well not officially, his breeder named him Equus but my sister said “we can’t call him that, it’s far too posh. Let’s call him Horse until we come up with another name”
Needless to say over a decade later he’s still called Horse
Anyway, Horse was left on his own,
I was really worried about how he would cope as he was always very anxious on his own.
I was worried about his behaviour, he can be quite a bully and I thought he might start to push me around.
I was worried he would get depressed and not want to do anything, after Troyble died, (Troy, was nothing but trouble when he arrived, so became Troyble), Horse spent hours just standing looking out across the fields, he seemed so sad.
Guess what…
None of the things I was worried about happened.
Instead, something happened that I really wasn’t expecting.
Horse got laminitis!
Horse had never been ill in his life before, if there was one thing I hadn’t even considered it was he would get laminitis. He is now inside on medicine and I am hoping he will recover.
So what does that tell you?
There is absolutely no point in worrying about the future, we don’t know what is coming, even if we expect the unexpected we will still be surprised because none of us have control over what is coming next.
Even if we think we do or even worse if we try and control what’s coming.
We have the moment we are living in, the present, that is what we should put our energy into, not what has been and not what might be coming.
Today, if you find yourself worrying about something that may or may not happen, bring yourself back to the present moment and get living.
Enjoy this moment, it is the only one you have right now!
I would just like to say thank you so much to everyone who helped me turn a barn full of stuff into a stable for Horse,
I am only 10 weeks post op of a total hip replacement, so not able to do the things I normally can. I needed help and I was inundated, we worked as a team, all came together to make the best stable we could.
That is what life is all about, being there for each other and helping people when they need us.
I did and the impact on both of us was phenomenal.
Just over a week ago I happened to be in a space with only one other person, only that person wasn’t talking to me, instead they were pacing up and down looking agitated. Also, they were wearing shorts and trainers only it was late evening and if you don’t know the weather in the UK has been very cold lately.
So to break the ice, excuse the pun, I said “Do you mind me asking, are you an athlete or do you just dress like one?”. They replied, “No, well I was once but not anymore.” That in itself highlighted an issue, so I continued, “Do you mind me asking, are you ok?””Why do you ask?” They replied. “Because the way you are pacing suggested you might not be.” I said. “I always do that,” they said “burn off the energy.” “I do that too,” I said “When I am running away from something.” Then it all came out, what they told me was both heart wrenching and also completely explained their behaviour. Had I been in that situation, I would have been doing the same.
I am not going to tell you what they said because that would betray their trust. But rest assured it was enough to warrant pacing. They then continued to tell me they felt they couldn’t tell anyone, in fact I was the only one they had told. They were depressed, struggling to cope and thought their loved ones would have judgement on their choices and behaviour. Well they could have been right, they might. The thing is they were too afraid to find out, so they were living their crisis alone! How sad is that, no-one should live a crisis alone. We chatted for about 15 minutes, that’s all, nothing in ones lifetime and I said, “Thank you for having the strength to tell me.” and they replied with, “It’s easy to tell a stranger.”
So there we have it folks, if you are depressed and feel you can’t tell anyone, try telling a stranger or if you notice something about someone that would suggest something is wrong, ask them if they are ok. I appreciate they could get cross tell you it is none of your business, or even worse. Or you may get to have the experience I did and actually help someone, allow someone to lift the weight from their shoulders and share. Share their pain, share their grief, share their worries, whatever it is your kindness is going to allow someone to share something they may be too afraid to do with someone close to them. Imagine what a gift that would be to a fellow human.
You know how I know it is a gift? Because when we were just saying we should move on to our friends my stranger looked at me in a way I will never forget, straight to my heart, their eyes told me everything, their soul was so thankful, they didn’t need to say a word but they did, “Thank you for noticing and listening.” they said. When they left me, their physique and tone of voice had changed completely, they knew someone cared and that someone didn’t know them, they were just human and compassionate. We can all be that person.
Please don’t shy away from someone just because they are giving off negative vibes, it is likely they are not directed at you and more likely that they are in need of help, a shoulder to cry on, someone just to listen, not to pass judgement, not to take sides. There has not been a day since having spoken to my stranger that I haven’t thought about them. Stranger if you read this and I hope you do, you are not alone in your fears and concerns about life choices but no-one is perfect and nor should they strive to be as that will only bring disappointment. We are only human we make mistakes and have emotions and feelings so strong that logic fails to play a part but that is what makes us so unique and special.
I do my best not to ask people to like, comment and share my blog as it so often comes across as systematic and premeditated. However, on this occasion I actually implore you to like, comment and in particular share this story because I believe it is a way of helping people in need. Do not step away from the weirdo, they are not weird they are afraid and alone and need someone to listen, it is likely they know you can’t provide solutions but nonetheless, don’t you find the simple process of just talking through your problems allows a solution to present itself. It is possible that is all your stranger requires, all you will have done is listened for a few minutes and you may be able to transform someone else’s life, how amazing would that be?
For those of you that have read my recent posts you will fully understand why my blog is called ‘Woman on the Edge’ things have been very on the edge of late and it’s times like this when I look to be inspired, find other people who too have the ‘Never give up’ attitude.
There was one person who stood out amongst the crowd, an actress whose work I had seen a few years ago that had caught my attention, I have followed her journey with intrigue ever since. So I decided to ask her for an informal interview to discover what she has learnt on her journey and how does she manage to stay focused on her dreams.
She agreed and in fact had a lot to say on the subject – it would seem she is a ‘Woman on the Edge’ of great things to come.
I have chosen today to tell the world about her, as it’s her birthday and as much as material gifts are nice, learning people are inspired by you and believe in you, in my opinion, is a far greater gift. This woman is incredibly talented and it is about time more people new about her.
An interview with Actress Rayanna Dibs:
When did you choose your career path?
I had an idea of what I wanted my career to look like from a young age. But as I embarked on my chosen journey, I soon realised the picture was not as I thought it would be – and thank god – wouldn’t it be boring if things always went to plan. We wouldn’t feel the need to keep on our toes and be prepared for the Unknown.
What have you learnt?
If there is one thing I’ve learnt in this industry and as an actor, its that the path may not lead you to where you were hoping to go, but that doesn’t mean your journey won’t be great! I still feel like I’m at the beginning of my journey, and I’m open to possibility, change and opportunity – whilst trying to maintain a sense of humour about it all.
Anything you feel you still need to learn?
I’m learning to not get upright or upset about situations completely our of my control. If I don’t win the role, that’s ok – it wasn’t meant to be and there is something else I’m meant to be doing. I’m cool with that.
Any tips for budding actors?
The business of acting is like dating. Appear too enthused, they won’t want to see you again. Play hard to get, well that could backfire. Unsure of what you’re looking for? Well that will only mess your date around and confuse the situation. Stop looking for the perfect fit – and when you least expect something perfect may just come along.
Do you use other people’s careers as inspiration?
I’ve always been interested in people’s pathway to success. I’m interested in people, what they did to get where they are, what they may have sacrificed, and any mistakes they made along the way. I love it when hard work pays off and to see other people be successful – keeps the dream and motivation alive.
What are your hopes for the future?
My hopes for the future? Well I guess to keep the big picture in mind. The little steps I take along the way may change and not work out, but I know what I want – one things for sure it will be a crazy ride.
What are your upcoming projects?
Leading role in upcoming British Feature film ALONE, shooting in July
Playing an interesting role in a quirky little play to be staged in London this summer.
On US TV screens in an upcoming Series for Investigation Discovery in June.
Stared in the short film Sally’s Inner Demons last year which has now been selected for Cannes Short Film corner this May.
Rayanna Dibs, thank you for your time, I wish you every success in your career and will be supporting you all the way.
Surgery and Prosecco 