Category Archives: Personal Development

At last, I have found the solution!

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I have had this deep seated feeling my whole life, that I am here to do more than I am doing. Alog with the pain I have been in, I believe it has been the root to a lot of my depression. A constant feeling than what I am doing is not enough, not my purpose and that frustration has left me feeling I have failed to achieve what I am here to do.

I have an inherent desire to help people, it is who I am, my make up as it were (well it would be if I wore any!) I get such pleasure from helping people, I seem to seek it out, it is like my drug fix, that rush you get when something feels really good.

However, on the flip side when I don’t get my ‘fix’ I start to go under, suffocate in my own need to help others. It isn’t a distraction technique, to avert attention from my self, although I did think it was for a while, it is genuinely my need and when your needs are not fulfilled, you are not happy, go figure!

It has literally driven me insane trying to find a way I can help people on a grand scale, I have done lots of one to one work which is great but is nowhere near what I want to achieve. The frustration in trying to work out how I can help lots of people simultaneously, has, at times been unbearable.

I am thrilled to say, at last, I have found the solution!

As well as writing my book, which I hope will help people, (to be brutally honest), want to stay alive! I am also creating an online course to help those suffering from chronic pain get more out of life.

My course is called:

The 30 Day Stay Sane Despite the Pain Challenge – The achievable step by step method to increase energy and reduce pain, (even when you’re sleep deprived).

I am in the process of fine tuning the course structure and have created a survey to make sure its’ contents provide people with the outcome they are looking for.

Below, is the link to the survey. If you have chronic pain and want a way to lead a better more enjoyable life, please complete it. Once you have, I will be in touch. https://04p76909hxd.typeform.com/to/MLRhKTg9

If you can think of anyone else you know who struggles with pain, please pass the survey on. Remember, I want to help as many people as I can, to do that I need to build a community of people who can relate with each other, a support network is one of the best ways to improve your life.

Thank you in advance and happy Friday, Liz

Laying Dormant

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I have been acutely aware of late that ‘Woman on the Edge’ has been taking a back seat in my life, as has my depression, has it gone or is it just laying dormant?

Sadly, I believe the latter to be true and isn’t it strange that as it seems to rear it’s ugly head once more, what is the first thing I turn to? My blog. Why is that I wonder? It doesn’t answer back, it’s not judgemental, I can be truthful, I am not afraid when I am writing? I don’t know for sure, probably all of them in varying degrees. Nonetheless, I am back and I apologise for my absence.

Not that I really need to, as the reason I started this blog in the first place was just for me as a release but it became apparent, over time, that my ramblings were being read by people all over the world, 22 countries to date, a massive shock to me I can tell you. Why is that, I wonder again? Unfortunately, I think it’s because depression is world wide and based on the messages I have received in the past, many people gained solace from reading my posts, so again I apologise if I haven’t been there for you when you needed me. I shall do better from now on.

Life in the last six months has been really very good for me, finally things both health and career wise have been great, well in comparison to how they have been in the past that’s for sure.  However, recently, the last month or so I guess, I haven’t been feeling quite right, can’t quite put my finger on it, no obvious reason, things still going well, in fact, better than that really, some things have been bloody brilliant. Finally getting good paid acting jobs, gone back to riding, galloping and jumping, feeling alive and free and yet something isn’t quite right. Wake up in the morning in a mood, what’s that all about? No apparent reason, cross, agitated, hot and bothered. I have gone back to heaving on my dog walks and lost weight but why?

Don’t you just love that question, why? We ask it as if we expect to be supplied with, not only the answer but also the solution, no such luck. Especially when depression has a hand in it. My husband and I have had a few conversations trying to work out what’s wrong. “Have you got a black cloud?” he asks “I don’t think so” I answer, genuinely. And yet I am perplexed as to what is making me feel this way – answers on a postcard!

I fully understand that depression never really leaves you and that you deal with it by maintenance, by ‘you’ I mean ‘one’. What I don’t understand is how it can get you when you least expect it, i.e when life is great, I mean that’s not meant to happen surely? That’s just bloody unfair, it’s hard enough dealing with it when it makes sense and you can understand why you have it but when everything is going well and you can’t even enjoy that. Life can be such a cunt at times.

Strangely enough I have been meaning to write a blog for ages to say how well things have been going, as a kind of inspiration to all of you who struggle too. Only I didn’t and now here I am telling you when it’s gone wrong again. Human behaviour is decidedly odd, but then again, so am I so what do I expect?

I am not really sure what I am saying here, maybe that’s because I am not really sure what I am feeling, so finding it difficult to be specific. All I know is ‘Old Satan Claus is out there Jimmy’ – film, Last Boy Scout, seriously you didn’t think you would get a post without some sort of film reference did you? So if any of you out there can give me some insight as to what is going on and why I would be truly grateful.

I tell you what, next time I have a thought to post that something good that has happened, I promise I will.

Oh, as an aside, I am thinking of writing a book, telling my story, both good and bad but ultimately, hoping to spread the word on how depression first gets under your skin and then inside your mind until you reach a point that you don’t know there is anything else. What do you think?

 

 

 

Talk to a stranger

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I did and the impact on both of us was phenomenal.

Just over a week ago I happened to be in a space with only one other person, only that person wasn’t talking to me, instead they were pacing up and down looking agitated. Also, they were wearing shorts and trainers only it was late evening and if you don’t know the weather in the UK has been very cold lately.

So to break the ice, excuse the pun, I said “Do you mind me asking, are you an athlete or do you just dress like one?”. They replied, “No, well I was once but not anymore.” That in itself highlighted an issue, so I continued, “Do you mind me asking, are you ok?””Why do you ask?” They replied. “Because the way you are pacing suggested you might not be.” I said. “I always do that,” they said “burn off the energy.” “I do that too,” I said “When I am running away from something.” Then it all came out, what they told me was both heart wrenching and also completely explained their behaviour. Had I been in that situation, I would have been doing the same.

I am not going to tell you what they said because that would betray their trust. But rest assured it was enough to warrant pacing. They then continued to tell me they felt they couldn’t tell anyone, in fact I was the only one they had told. They were depressed, struggling to cope and thought their loved ones would have judgement on their choices and behaviour. Well they could have been right, they might. The thing is they were too afraid to find out, so they were living their crisis alone! How sad is that, no-one should live a crisis alone. We chatted for about 15 minutes, that’s all, nothing in ones lifetime and I said, “Thank you for having the strength to tell me.” and they replied with, “It’s easy to tell a stranger.”

So there we have it folks, if you are depressed and feel you can’t tell anyone, try telling a stranger or if you notice something about someone that would suggest something is wrong, ask them if they are ok. I appreciate they could get cross tell you it is none of your business, or even worse. Or you may get to have the experience I did and actually help someone, allow someone to lift the weight from their shoulders and share. Share their pain, share their grief, share their worries, whatever it is your kindness is going to allow someone to share something they may be too afraid to do with someone close to them. Imagine what a gift that would be to a fellow human.

You know how I know it is a gift? Because when we were just saying we should move on to our friends my stranger looked at me in a way I will never forget, straight to my heart, their eyes told me everything, their soul was so thankful, they didn’t need to say a word but they did, “Thank you for noticing and listening.” they said. When they left me, their physique and tone of voice had changed completely, they knew someone cared and that someone didn’t know them, they were just human and compassionate. We can all be that person.

Please don’t shy away from someone just because they are giving off negative vibes, it is likely they are not directed at you and more likely that they are in need of help, a shoulder to cry on, someone just to listen, not to pass judgement, not to take sides. There has not been a day since having spoken to my stranger that I haven’t thought about them. Stranger if you read this and I hope you do, you are not alone in your fears and concerns about life choices but no-one is perfect and nor should they strive to be as that will only bring disappointment. We are only human we make mistakes and have emotions and feelings so strong that logic fails to play a part but that is what makes us so unique and special.

I do my best not to ask people to like, comment and share my blog as it so often comes across as systematic and premeditated. However, on this occasion I actually implore you to like, comment and in particular share this story because I believe it is a way of helping people in need. Do not step away from the weirdo, they are not weird they are afraid and alone and need someone to listen, it is likely they know you can’t provide solutions but nonetheless, don’t you find the simple process of just talking through your problems allows a solution to present itself. It is possible that is all your stranger requires, all you will have done is listened for a few minutes and you may be able to transform someone else’s life, how amazing would that be?

 

 

 

 

 

Being Inspired

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Happy Birthday to a great inspiration.

For those of you that have read my recent posts you will fully understand why my blog is called ‘Woman on the Edge’ things have been very on the edge of late and it’s times like this when I look to be inspired, find other people who too have the ‘Never give up’ attitude.

There was one person who stood out amongst the crowd, an actress whose work I had seen a few years ago that had caught my attention, I have followed her journey with intrigue ever since. So I decided to ask her for an informal interview to discover what she has learnt on her journey and how does she manage to stay focused on her dreams.

She agreed and in fact had a lot to say on the subject – it would seem she is a ‘Woman on the Edge’ of great things to come.

I have chosen today to tell the world about her, as it’s her birthday and as much as material gifts are nice, learning people are inspired by you and believe in you, in my opinion, is a far greater gift. This woman is incredibly talented and it is about time more people new about her.

An interview with  Actress Rayanna Dibs:

When did you choose your career path?

I had an idea of what I wanted my career to look like from a young age. But as I embarked on my chosen journey, I soon realised the picture was not as I thought it would be – and thank god – wouldn’t it be boring if things always went to plan. We wouldn’t feel the need to keep on our toes and be prepared for the Unknown.

To be or not to be Judgemental?

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In the last few days I have witnessed someone behaving in a very judgemental manner, not only is it singularly unattractive, it is also unnecessary.

Passing judgement on people, in my opinion, is basically making assumptions and as we all know when you assume, ‘you make and ass out of you and me!’

Just because someone appears in a way that may not appeal to you, it does not mean the person themselves will not appeal to you. Take a homeless person for instance, I cannot tell you how many times I have heard people rant about them, “lazy, good for nothing, druggies etc etc” How on earth do they know anything about that person, without having spoken to them? I was on the radio a couple of months ago, discussing homelessness, the exact reason why escapes me and at this point it isn’t relevant anyway. What is, is the fact that a lot of homeless people were interviewed and listening to their stories was very moving, many of them had been very well established members of the community whose life had taken a turn for the worst and they ended up on the streets – not sure that equates to a “lazy, good for nothing”. Yet, people still look down their noses at them, just exactly who made them in charge of deciding who is a good or bad person just by their appearance. It is possible that a finely dressed and well educated person is a “druggie or a criminal etc” but because they look nice, that’s ok? Bollocks! Oh and in case you didn’t know some of our greatest actor’s experienced extreme poverty and even homelessness before getting that all important role to help them get back on track, not sure they could be classed of lazy, good for nothing, either!

Since witnessing the afore mentioned offender, I have been reminded of an interview Dustin Hoffman did about his role as ‘Tootsie’. He was discussing having his make up done to appear as a woman and when they had finished and he saw his reflection, he said “can’t you make me prettier? I am playing a woman, I think I should be prettier” – or words to that affect, don’t quote me. The make up artist replied by explaining they could only work with the face he had. What happened next was so wonderfully moving and honest, Dustin started to explain that when he went home that day he realised that he had been going through life only seeking out the company of the pretty people and it suddenly occurred to him that he had been missing out on all the other great people out there because he had dismissed them purely down to their appearance. – Good for him to acknowledge that, we should all take a leaf out of his book.

That was an actor talking about judgement effecting his personal life but being judgemental as an actor when you are working, can be just as profound. Your job as an actor is to study your character until you understand them fully and can think like them, if you pass judgement on them, you could completely misinterpret who they really are. For instance, take Robert De Niro in Cape Fear, he will have got right under the skin of Max Cady but I would put money on the fact he didn’t judge him for his behaviour, how could he if he was going to play him realistically? He would have ended up creating doubt in our minds about the authenticity of Max by formulating his own opinions on him, a very dangerous choice for an actor.

So considering how potentially damaging being judgemental as an actor is, just put that into your real life, you could be missing out and misunderstanding so many people just by their appearance, actions, behaviour etc. Please be sure to understand I am talking about judgement here and not opinion, they are 2 entirely different things but are often confused, but I won’t go into that now, guess what – yep in another blog!

If you find yourself being judgemental, give yourself a minute to ask yourself one simple question. “Do I know anything about that person?” If the answer is no, then ask yourself another one. “What could I learn from that person?”.  If the answer is yes, then ask “What more can I learn from that person?” I am not saying you need to go and speak to them, although you may be pleasantly surprised if you do, I am simply saying, we can learn from everyone no matter who they are because nobody knows everything. If we gave everyone the opportunity to tell their story we would learn a lot.