Tag Archives: blog

Day 21: Making Decisions Part 2

Posted on by
2


If you have stumbled across my blog and are thinking ‘Day 21’ of what? Have a quick read about my challenge.

My wrist is finally better!

Actually, it was better two days ago but I chose not to write. Why? Because I had forced myself to write on:

Day 18: Today I am cheating!

 Day 19: Pain Prohibits Progress… Or does it? Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.

Day 20: Today, I am sharing an unpublished comedy short film, (it still hurts to type).

It had been so painful, whimpering as I typed. Pitiful! I had pushed myself too far, so when I was able to type I didn’t want to. I resented my blog. I felt it had a hold on me forcing me to do things I didn’t want to do. 

So I made a decision…

Don’t write.

Sounds simple doesn’t it?

Far from it. When we make a decision, we get so caught up in the minutiae that we can’t see the wood for the trees. I was beating myself up that I was failing at my goal challenge

I felt deflated, the novelty had worn off, not only mine but that of my readers. The views had plummeted. I thought, “My writing must be getting worse not better. It’s just boring, no one wants to read it”

Therefore, I decided – to reevaluate my goal.

‘My’ is the important word here. The challenge I set myself was exactly that. My challenge. I had decided it. Therefore, I can change it.

Altering a goal doesn’t mean you have failed. It means the original outcome, not doubtcome – Day 17: Making Decisions. Part 1 has not turned out the way you wanted. So what? Change it. 

I had to decide.

Do I…

  1. Throw in the towel. It was a bad idea, anyway.
  2. Keep pushing myself to do it every day, just make them shorter or cheat
  3. Do less of them 

When making a decision, the first thing to do is establish your options. Then weigh up the pros and cons. Then pick one. If possible, sleep on it. You will sleep better because you have made a decision. In the morning, if it still feels right, you can take action towards it.

Just because you have made a decision doesn’t mean you have to act on it immediately. Unless, of course, it is a life or death situation. Sit with it for a while, discuss it with friends or family. Then decide what course of action to take.

My husband has a saying, “What’s the worst that can happen?” It is a useful way to consider your options and make a decision. If there aren’t serious consequences to your choice, then make it there and then. You can always change your mind later. Another one of his favourite sayings, “What’s the point of having a mind if you can’t change it?” This takes the pressure off. Very few decisions are life threatening, so don’t overthink them. However, be wary of this one though, it can cause you to not taking responsibility for your actions. That’s an entirely different thing.

So what did I decide and how did I do it? I looked at my options.

  1. Throw in the towel. It was a bad idea, anyway. 

I very nearly chose this one. When it comes to writing I lack confidence. I worry people will think it’s rubbish. If I stopped my blog it would take away all the pressure I had put on myself. My writing won’t be rejected, therefore, nor will I. 

I needed to go back to the beginning and remind myself why I had set this challenge. I want to write a book about what I have been through. I want to help people see there is hope when they believe they can’t take anymore.

One I had reminded myself why. The decision was easy. I am not giving up. My motivation to tell my story is strong enough to out way my fear or rejection. A, was kicked into touch.

  • Keep pushing myself to do it every day, just make them shorter or cheat. 

My friends say they can count on me because I always do what I say I am going to. I take pride in that. I am reliable. I said I would write and post every day. If I don’t, I am going back on my word. That doesn’t sit well with me. I was stuck on this for a while. Then I thought about my life coaching training Day 11: Do you think you are stupid?

I flipped the way I was thinking about it. Helping others is an integral part of me. Many of you are supporting me by reading my blog. Thank you to all of you. But is reading it every day too much for you? Do you see the email come in and think? “I want to support Liz, but I just can’t do it every day. I have so many other things to do.” When I thought I might be putting too much pressure on you, my decision was easy. Kick B into touch.

This leaves c) Do less of them 

Having worked through the pros and cons of A and B, C was the outright winner. A win win result is something I strive for in all aspects of life. I would still be heading towards my goal of developing a writing style and learning how to get my thoughts and feelings across to others. However, there would be a lot less pressure on me, to achieve something daily and you, to support me daily.

So that is what I am going to do. Less. I have spent years working towards doing less. I am renowned for giving myself too much to do. Does this mean I am finally learning? I hope so.

From now on, I will write at least 300 words 6 times a week (giving myself a day off, I am not very good at that either) but I will only post a blog 3 times a week. 

Let’s see how my decision pans out.

I feel this post rambles on a bit, so I apologise. However, the part of my challenge that I will not be changing is the not editing part, for now at least. Just write and post. If I deliberate too much about the content, there is a chance, I will post nothing and dwell over my writing too much.

I hope that you have gained something from me explaining my process for decision making. If so, please let me know by leaving a comment.

I would be interested to know how you feel about my decision. Has it taken the pressure off you, too?


Have a great day
If you would like to join me on this journey, please like, subscribe and comment.

Thanks, Liz

For anyone reading my posts who has a story in them, they are struggling to tell. I would recommend getting Anne Lamott’s book ‘Bird by Bird’. It has inspired me to create this challenge and is full of great knowledge and insight. She also has a wonderful sense of humour and writing style.

If you would like to buy ‘Bird by Bird’, please use my Amazon associate link: https://amzn.to/47Pdkx7

Day 12: ‘It’s time to talk day’

Posted on by
Reply

If you have stumbled across my blog and are thinking ‘Day 12’ of what? Have a quick read about my challenge.

Did you know ‘It’s time to talk day’? I found this out after receiving an email from Mind, the mental health charity I am involved with. The timing of this is apt because today I finished a book called, When all is said by Anne Griffins (Amazon associate link). An exquisitely written debut. The book engrossed me from the first sentence to the final word. At times, I realised I wasn’t breathing. It was captivating. Don’t just take my word for it. There are nearly sixteen thousand reviews on Amazon, many of which agree with mine. 

I won’t tell you the story. I wouldn’t want to take that pleasure away from you. What I will say is when you have read it, you will want to tell people the truth about how you feel about them and what they mean to you. How you long to be with them. It provoked a deep sadness in me. We, as humans, have a terrible habit of masking the truth. We hide our truth and vulnerability for fear of being hurt, rejected or misunderstood, yet, ‘The truth will set you free’. If you know who said that quote, please put it in the comments.

I genuinely believe that communication is the reason I am still alive today. I told people how I felt when I was in my darkest days. Many didn’t understand it, but they stuck by me like glue. I couldn’t have shaken them off even if I had wanted to. If you need to talk to someone but feel the truth is too much for your loved ones. Why don’t you. Talk to a stranger (previous blog on the subject)

I love to talk to strangers. In fairness, what I should say is that I love to listen to strangers. My husband says to me, “Why do complete strangers end up telling you their life stories? ” In short, I listen with empathy and without judgment. I allow them to expose their innermost feelings in safety. 

One day, a few years ago, I was in a dark and frightening place. Inside my mind, that is. I couldn’t verbalise it, so I took to my blog, wrote what I felt and sent it out into the ether. I received tremendous support not only from friends but also from strangers. People felt my pain and instantly came to my aid. Thank you again to all of you. You know who you are. The blog title: I want to be thinner

If you are struggling with your mental health, let someone know. If you have family and friends who will support you, great. If you don’t, pick up the phone and call Mind, The Samaritans, or another charity. They, too, will listen with empathy and without judgment. Whatever you do, don’t stay silent.


If you would like to join me on this journey, please like, subscribe and comment.

Thanks, Liz

For anyone reading my posts who has a story in them, they are struggling to tell. I would recommend getting Anne Lamott’s book ‘Bird by Bird’. It has inspired me to create this challenge and is full of great knowledge and insight. She also has a wonderful sense of humour and writing style.

If you would like to buy ‘Bird by Bird’, please use my Amazon associate link: https://amzn.to/47Pdkx7

Day 11: Do you think you are stupid?

Posted on by
2

If you have stumbled across my blog and are thinking ‘Day 11’ of what? Have a quick read about my challenge.

Besides, the daily routines I mentioned on Day 7 ‘Finding the time’. I also do the NYT games. Wordle, connections, mini crossword and letterbox. I was extremely hesitant to start these games because I thought I wouldn’t be able to do them. The crossword, in particular. Why? Because I doubt my intelligence. I chose not to say “because I am stupid”. Finally, I have worked out I am not. For most of my life, I thought I was.

My brother and sister (Bonjour) are incredibly smart, not just academically either. They are both musically gifted too. Growing up in the shadow of these two left me feeling less than adequate. I remember once my grandma saying, “Oh yes, you’re the one who can’t do maths.” She meant nothing by it. For her, it was a factual statement. It not only crushed me, but stayed with me throughout my entire childhood. Well, let’s be honest, probably until I was in my forties.

I think a lot of things stayed with me until my forties. Until I hit rock bottom. When the only options were a) to end it all, b) quit fucking about and get my shit together. Fortunately, I chose b. It wasn’t easy, but I have never regretted it.

Thinking you are stupid holds you back in every aspect of your life. It certainly did for me. Afraid to do things because I wouldn’t be able to. Because I’m stupid. My stupidity embarrassed me. Interestingly, though. I didn’t view other people like that. If someone couldn’t do something I would always say, “well, we can’t do everything, some people are better at things than others”. I have always seen the potential in others. I have struggled to see mine.

As I have aged, I have begun to really dislike the word stupid. It is paralysing. It stops people in their tracks. All these talents, buried beneath the surface, never to materialize because of how we view ourselves. It is devastating. 

I made steps in the right direction in my thirties when I studied to be a life coach. I have studied more since leaving education than I did when I was there. Becoming a life coach wasn’t a lifelong plan (excuse the pun). In a way, it chose me. I had just finished having 6 weeks of therapy. I felt on top of the world. I don’t remember having felt that good before. I was scared to lose it. I told my husband, “I want to do something that maintains this feeling”. A couple of days later, he produced the details of a life coach course. We decided this would be a good idea. 

Before you learned to coach others, the course challenged your limiting beliefs. I had never heard that phrase. It was a whole new experience for me. One that changed my life forever. For the better. It taught me how to change the way I viewed things. My abilities primarily. How to turn sentences around from negative to positive to boost my self-belief. For instance, I achieved grade three in the piano. Until then, I had always said, “I only got to grade three”. Following the guidelines of the course, I changed the sentence to “I achieved grade three in the piano. ” That made it sound much better. An accomplishment. An achievement. I cannot tell you how many times, before taking the course, I had said, “I haven’t achieved anything.” As time went on, my list became extensive. I finally understood that not only had I achieved a great deal. I was not stupid. That course was worth its weight in gold. 

If you think you are stupid, I implore you to try that exercise. Notice when you say something derogatory about yourself. Reframe the sentence using only the facts. Absorb that information. Then congratulate yourself on your achievement.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Before I go, here is another example. When I was thirty-two, a group of us went to the Alps to climb Mont Blanc. We didn’t. On the way down from Aiguilles du Tour, 3544m high, I was too slow because of knee pain. The guide told me I couldn’t attempt Mont Blanc because it would put our lives at risk. From then on, I said to people, “I only managed to climb Aiguilles du Tour.” After doing the course, I said, “I climbed Aiguilles Du Tour.” After a while, that sank in. Bloody hell, Liz, that is so cool. Other than the people in our group, I didn’t know anyone else that had done that. What an achievement!


If you would like to join me on this journey, please like, subscribe and comment.

Thanks, Liz

For anyone reading my posts who has a story in them, they are struggling to tell. I would recommend getting Anne Lamott’s book ‘Bird by Bird’. It has inspired me to create this challenge and is full of great knowledge and insight. She also has a wonderful sense of humour and writing style.

If you would like to buy ‘Bird by Bird’, please use my Amazon associate link: https://amzn.to/47Pdkx7

Day 5 – Struggling to exercise.

Posted on by
4

If like me this morning, you struggle to exercise, find your motivation. Motivation is the key to so many goals in life, finding the right one for you is personal. What makes others do things may not work for you. So, spend a bit of time thinking about it, the more motivated you are the more likely you are to suceed. But remember, your motivation may change over time. Take note of if you are tiring of something, check in with yourself and see if your motivation has changed.

On this occasion, my motivation was to walk properly again. I was going to say walk again but that sounds altogether to dramatic but at the time that is was it felt like. After my climbing accident and faulkeson osteotmy, the delights of which I will share with you another day. I was told it would take a year to heal and for the screws in my shin to be fully set. I left hospital with a leg brase and a zimmer frame. Came home to my recently installed chair lift, at the ripe age of 33 and wondered how on earth I would get through this.

To begin with my physio ecersices were very basic and very very painful but my motivation, fortunately outweighed the pain. I was going to walk again, even if it killed me. Not sure that would have benefited anyone but nonetheless, that’s how determined I was. Before I had the surgery, I was told one leg would now, likely be shorter than the other, I may never walk properly again, have a limp and possibly end up in a wheel chair. I slowly and calmly looked at the consultant and said, “You don’t know me.” I don’t know about you but if someone says to me I won’t be able to do something, that alone can be enough motivation to prove them wrong.

Everyday, after the kids had gone to school and Murray to work, I lay alone in bed, that was until our magnificent Rhodesian Ridgeback, Rio, sauntered up the stairs and lay at the end of the bed, on the floor that is, he was so large he would have crushed me had he actually got on the bed and my plight would have been infinitely worse. The dogs weren’t allowed upstairs but Rio was a) a law unto himself and b) clearly knew I needed the support. 

One of my exercises was to place a rolled up hand towel under my knee, lift my heel off the bed until my leg was straight. I hadn’t been able to do this since the accident, 18 months beforehand. It had taken that long for the problem to be diagnosed. When I fell, my knee cap had been knocked out of alignment and the tracking was out, the aim of the operation was to fix the issue. Shin bone sawn in half, knee cap moved, two screws to secure it in place, the jobs a gooden.

I pulled myself up to a sitting position, lent up against the padded blue headboard, looked ahead of me at the full length mirrors on the wardrobe doors. I hated the fact they were they, I was staring at myself, watching me fail. I tended to do the exercises looking down so I couldn’t catch sight of my reflection. Weirdly, it became a useful choice as I would stare at my kneecap, imagine it moving the way it needed to, visualize my quad muscle springing into action and think how it would feel for my heel to rise. My quad hadn’t sprung into action since the accident, the muscle atrophy was extensive, the largest part of my thigh was now only thirteen inches in circumference, thats thirty three centimetres, which is, currently, the size of my calf muscle. I had a long way to go and the only way to do that, a minute at a time.

I sat there, staring down at my withering leg and attempted a heel lift. I had sweat running down my side where my armpits were leaking. Tears running down my cheeks where my eyes were leaking. My face was contorted, I was groaning, retching, squirming, swearing and my butt was sinking deeper into the mattress under the strain, so much so I thought I would become engulfed. All this to no avail. My heel was still steadfastly stuck to the bed. I wrapped the belt from my dressing gown around the ball of my foot and pulled the heel off the bed. This at least proved that the function was possible. I used all my might, every bit of brain power, (remember I had no leg power) I had to hold my leg there, released the belt and wallop it slammed back down on the bed. Hopeless!

“Rio” I whimpered. My beloved, dog, whose grandeur never failed to impress, arose from his slumber, stretched and sauntered (he loved to saunter) around the bed so his face was next to mine. Looked at me from under his heavy eyebrows as if to say, “You got this mum.” And I hugged him, felt his warm breath and reassuring smell, halitosis, all was not lost, some things never change. I released my grip looked deep into his soul and thanked him. He knew his job was done, reversed, (there wasn’t enough room for him to turn his vast stature around), went back to the end of the bed. Curled up and went straight to sleep. His gentle snore filling the air. I sat back up, stared back down at my knee and started again.

If you would like to join me on this journey, please like, subscribe and comment. If you make a comment, please explain what it was that made you feel that way.

Thanks, Liz

If you have stumbled across my blog and are thinking “Day 5 of what? Have a quick read of this explanation:

I have set myself a challenge and need your help, (please).

For anyone reading my posts who has a story in them they are struggling to tell. I would recommend getting Anne Lamott’s book ‘Bird by Bird’. It has inspired me to create this challenge and is full of great knowledge and insight. She also has a wonderful sense of humour and writing style.

If you would like to buy ‘Bird by Bird’, please feel free to use my Amazon associate link: https://amzn.to/47Pdkx7

I have set myself a challenge and need your help, (please).

Posted on by
4

As some of you may know, I have been through quite a lot, I recently had my 18th surgery and I was suicidal for a few years. I would like to write a book to tell my story in the hope that my experiences will help others.

However, I have been wanting to do this for years, taken numerous writing course but to no avail. I am currently on holiday and have just read the book Bird by Bird written by Anne Lamott. I have found numerous snippets to help me on my writing journey but the one I have decided to grab by the jugular is this. Aim to write three hundred words a day.

So, this is what I have challenged myself to do.

Anne Lamott, also discusses the fact that one should just write because no-one reads the “Shitty first draft”. I have made a decision, that I may live to regret. People are going to read my “Shitty first draft”

I will write at least three hundred words every day this year (or until I get death threats if I don’t stop writing). No particular theme planned as yet but one might materialise. These excerpts, for want of a better expression, will then be posted on my blog, without being edited (other than spelling mistakes). What you read will be exactly what I wrote straight away. I know, no writer in their right mind would do that, I am pretty sure that in no time at all it will become blatantly clear that I am not in my right mind. Besides, if you don’t take risks you will never know what you are capable of.

One of the reasons I have chosen to share my daily writing exercises is I need your help. When we first start something new there is always an element of excitement that provides momentum. However, as time goes by and the novelty wears off, so does the momentum and this is when we are prone to giving up. I want to write my book so badly that I am prepared to be vulnerable and share my ramblings with you in the hope that over time I will find my voice, my writing style and my courage to get the job done.

If you would like to join me on this journey, please subscribe to my blog. On the right hand side of the post is a box for your email address, fill that in and click on the follow button below and you will receive a notification each time I post.

If you choose to follow me and would like to encourage me to keep going please like the posts but more importantly, please leave a comment. This doesn’t have to be positive, although that is rewarding it doesn’t help me improve. Therefore, if you leave a comment, please add why you felt that way. For instance, if you like it, say why e.g. it made you laugh, it resonated with you, you like my style. Alternatively, if you didn’t like it, say why e.g it made no sense, your sentence structure needs improving, it was just plain boring.

And then…

If you don’t mind.

Give me some hints or tips on how to improve, e.g. I want to understand why you felt that way. I need more detail, give me some senses, what did you see, what could you hear. By the way, I know I haven’t used senses in my first 2 so you probably don’t need to spell that out for me. Anything you can add that will help me grow as a writer witl be gratefully received. Well, maybe not gratefully when I first read it but once I have taken my head out of the oven, calmed down and appreciated the fact you are helping me. Then I will be grateful.

I will finish this now, unedited, as stated.

I hope to have you on board, if you’re up for it, remember to add your email address and hit the follow button.

Thanks in advance,